Day: July 22, 2022

Things Gone Wrong: Let Me Count the Ways…

Ok, so the drive here wasn’t the best. But surely things can only get better, right??

Wrong.

1am Sunday night, Justin texts me from his hotel room: housing needs shot records, rabies certificates, photos, and also they need to be registered—where exactly, nobody knows. Monday morning I was calling the vet asking for everything we needed, and thankfully our Georgia vet was amazing. Justin said “tasteful photos, please.” So…like…

Next: The Unpacking of the Truck. All was well until I said, “let’s put the gym rack in the middle of the garage for now.” Then we pulled out the 5’ tall paper cupboard. I then stepped backward, tripped over the rack, fell on my whole ass, and the paper cupboard landed on top of me…

…is what Justin wants you to think happened. I’m pretty sure he used some kind of mind powers to move the rack into my way, and then he threw the cabinet on top of me.

But also, as I lay there, laughing and dying, he did quickly pull the cabinet off me. While I whined, “no please. Just put it back and let me die here.” He wouldn’t—probably because he still needed my help getting the last few items out of the truck. I have bruises galore to prove that moving is not for the faint of heart.

We’re in lower enlisted housing, which is not the end of the world, apart from the fact that we pay a lot more “rent” than our neighbors, and we’re a good 10-20 years older than everyone living here. But, it’s all they had available, and it’s only a year. The house has lots of storage space, but we could do with a bit more living space. Again, it is what it is, and it’s only a year.

We went from a 3/4 acre back yard, to this. The dogs looked at me like it was obviously some kind of joke.

From there, we returned the truck, which seemed like a way bigger event than it needed to be.

Quick trip to grab items we needed, like trash cans, towels, soap—items that got tossed in The Purge.

Monday afternoon we went to the Commissary. It was meant to be a quick trip, for “just the essentials.” $300 and 60 varieties of beverages later, we determined that it is not smart to shop thirsty and sleep-drunk.

Tuesday we ran to the post office to pick up our mail key. The postman informed us that the previous tenants didn’t return the mail keys, so we would have to wait 7-10 business days for them to come out and re-key the box. Let’s go ahead and add it to the “things going well” list.

I figured out where to register the dogs, and that was relatively painless. Although, while waiting I listened to a Baby Soldier tell and Old Crusty Soldier that he and his wife keep their dogs locked up outside all day. OCS: “you realize we are in Texas and it is way to hot for that.” BS: “nah, they love it. Even my husky! Besides, we have great AC, so they can cook off when they come in.” FYI: it’s gotten up over 110° nearly every day we’ve been here.

We went to multiple stores, in search of bar stools, since we have no furniture until the 26th and have been using a mattress as a bed/couch/lounge area. No luck finding stools, so we decided to go to Walmart to pick up a sunshade for my van (because, over 110°), and possibly stools?

We settled on folding chairs and a table, and went to grab a sunshade……and the power went out. We were now in the back corner of a very dark and terrifying Walmart.

Honestly, there comes a point where you just start laughing at all of this. How in the world can this much keep going wrong? This is some kind of joke, correct??

Wednesday we looked up the address for the on-post laundromat, since we hadn’t done laundry in over a week. After driving around for 30 minutes, We found the correct building, only to find it was abandoned. I called the housing office to ask for the correct location: “oh, there hasn’t been a laundromat on post in years.” Then why is it listed in the directory!?!?

Thursday, Justin said, “how long is it supposed to take for the freezer to make ice?” I told him maybe we were using it faster than it was being made, but I did point out that the cabinet next to the fridge was extremely water damaged. By yesterday morning it was obvious that the ice maker was sounding like it was filling, but no ice was being made. Maintenance was called, and thankfully showed up within a few hours. The hose had come undone, the pipe had frozen, and now all should be well in the world.

Perhaps things are turning around, but honestly, Justin and I are very much laughing at how comical everything has become. Every time something goes sideways, Justin says, “do we put this on the list??”

Absolutely.

So far, this move easily ranks number one on the Worst Moves Ever list. If it continues like this, I can only assume the movers will arrive Tuesday with a truck full of broken everything.

BUT…I’m staying positive. It’s fine. We’re fine. It’s only a year. And it’s adding a whole new level of comedy to our lives. And, there was a lizard in our yard Wednesday. So maybe my Alabama Amphibians sent word that I’m cool.

Gather round, so he can tell you all about how awesome I am…in the amphibian community.

Stop This Car, I Want to Get Out

*disclaimer: I wrote this days ago. I still don’t know what day it is, but we didn’t have internet for many of the days, and this dang this has not wanted to publish. I will add it to the list of “things going wrong” next go ‘round.


It has been a brutal…number of days. I honestly don’t even know what day it is anymore. I believe this mad rush of insanity started 48 hours ago, but then we jumped time zones, and at this point I don’t even know which way is up.

I guess it really got intense Saturday morning, when Justin and I got up early for our last push of cleaning, and truck packing. I would like to state for the record that I am never around for this. I believe I assisted way back in 2006 when we moved out of our first apartment, but back then we were 2 people and a pug, not 4 people 2 boxers and 3 cats. And a world of stuff.

By 10 it was obvious that we would not be on the road by noon. By noon it looked as though we would never get out of there.

Fun fact: when Justin and I put leftovers away and choose a container that’s to small, we refer to it as “pulling a Donna,” because my mom is notorious for misjudging the food to container ratio……

……Justin and I totally Donna’d the moving truck. Big time. Keep in mind, the army contracted movers took MOST of our stuff on Monday. We were just left with items we didn’t trust them with, items they wouldn’t move, items we couldn’t be without for days at a time, and whatever didn’t get packed or we needed for cleaning. It was a whole lot more than would fit in our baby 10’ uhaul.

Also, keep in mind that Tuesday, uhaul reached out to Justin to say they didn’t have a 10’ truck available, so we would be getting a 26’; Justin called them and we drove an hour away just to get the 10’. Epic mistake.

Items left behind that we didn’t intend on leaving behind: 2 mattresses, vacuum, steam cleaner, shopvac, pressure washer, camp chairs, beach chairs…and all kinds of other stuff. Nothing like a PCS to teach you a lesson in impermanence.

At one point we lost Captain SparklePaws. After a whole week of keeping the cats inside, we suddenly couldn’t find him. Room by room, we searched. Xander even looked in the toilet. Justin went outside and looked. I was sure he must have snuck out, even though I had no idea how. We did one more search of our nearly empty house. I asked “are you sure he isn’t in the tub? Behind the toilet? In a cabinet?” And Xander shouted, “he’s behind the trash can in the bathroom!!!” Dude, you looked in the toilet, but didn’t think yo look next to it?!

Captain hiding somewhere at some point…not actually behind the trash can on moving day.

Finally, at 4:30, we were all packed and on the road.

About an hour into the adventure, a car pulled halfway onto the interstate, and stopped. Then it drove across the lanes and bounced into the guardrail. I passed him; he started driving again. He tried to pass me in the left lane, and then he was in my lane! I moved onto the shoulder and braced for impact. He missed me, and swerved hard into the median. At that point I realized he was very obviously drunk, so I slowed down and waited for him to crash. Instead, he drove for 2 miles like vehicular bumper bowling. He bounced from shoulder to median, and back again. Cars would pass me, thinking I was just being a jerk driving 30 in a 55. Then they would see that lunatic and join me in crawling along the road. Finally he careened into a ditch, which I thought would be the end. But that civic was a beast, and he jumped it out of the ditch and turned into a gas station.

It’s these fun moments that make every drive a new adventure.
After only 5 hours of actual driving, Justin and I were both struggling, so we found the shadiest motel we could locate, and spent the night. 

Sunday morning we were back at it. Justin and I were crushing it, and making awesome time. And then shea got sick. And was throwing up off and on for the last 10 hours we were in the car.

Also, Emma is neurotic and has a hard time peeing on a leash. Because….I don’t know, she’s got a lot of anxiety. Finally, after holding it for 24 hours, she peed at a rest stop. Rufus, in his slow southern goofball way, sniffed the stream, accidentally stuck his nose in it (at least I’m telling him it was an accident), then he hiked up his leg and peed on her.

Also also, throughout all of this, our poor cats had to be in crates, rather than free-range. Mostly because Nebula likes to reenact the scene from Braveheart. She shouts, “FREEDOM!!!” and sprints out any door that opens. I was not about to play “find the 8lb demon” in any state we passed through.

Everyone was miserable.
Maybe not Rufus. He got to sit on Emma for 30 hours.


It was truly the drive that never ended.

Until it did, and we were in a city.

So, about 2 months before Justin came home from Korea, he said to me, “I don’t want to worry you. But the first time I flew into El Paso, I fell asleep on the plane, and when I woke up I thought something went wrong because it looked like Baghdad.” Well, I don’t know what Baghdad looks like. A war zone? I wasn’t expecting a huge ass city.

It’s fine. It’s whatever. It’s just a year. We’ll be fine. Right?? Right?!?!