Justin is home from his yearlong stay in Korea, and after almost a week, he’s finally kicked JetLag in the butt.
The great thing about him being home, is that for the time being, he has no job. I mean, he has a job. He’s just on an extended vacation.
Also, for the sake of this story, I should mention that allergies have been kicking his buns since he has been home.
Today, we adventured to the Zappos outlet. I was looking for 100 new pairs of sneakers, and Justin wandered off to probably do the same. When he came back to show off his find, he was rubbing his left eye. “I can’t see anything out of this eye. Honestly, I don’t even know if my contact is still in there!” I looked, and sure enough, he was contact free. As soon as I announced it was no longer in there, he instantly started looking on himself for it.
“Justin, seriously, what are you going to do if you find it!? Put it back in?!”
We wandered around, looked at more shoes. And then parted ways so I could peruse kid shoes. That’s when it happened.
“Hey! Look what I found!” Justin was looking awfully proud of himself.
“Is it your contact??”
“Yeah yeah!”
“So…now what? Are you just going to put it back in your eye?!”
And this is where he pulled out a bottle of Allergy Eye Drop, filled that sucker up and wiggled it around in the palm of his hand, and then STUCK IT BACK IN HIS EYE!!! “How funny would it be if that wasn’t your contact?”
Honestly, this isn’t the first time in our nearly 14 years that Justin has made less than stellar eye choices. I have assisted in pulling a torn piece of contact out of his eye. He soaked his contacts in hydrogen peroxide solution, in a regular case, and then instantly regretted it when his eyelids fused shut the second that hydrogen peroxide infused contact adhered itself to his eyeball (causing him to cry for 3 days straight).
Later in the afternoon, as we were eating lunch, and I looked into Justin’s eyes. His left pupil was dilated 10 times larger than his right!
“Something is very wrong with your left eye.”
“Yeah. And my left thumb is numb too. I’m probably going to have a stroke. If I do, the combination to the gun safe is–”
“I am not going to shoot you.”
“No no no. Just leave the gun in my hand, and I’ll do the rest.”
This can’t be what other couple discuss during lunch dates.
After a lot of googling (webmd told us it was most likely a cocaine or meth overdose), Justin searched for the side effects of using too many eye drops. Which is probably where I should have started, but I was googling eye dilation and numb thumb (and by this point, he had regained feeling in his thumb). Directly under Side effects of using too many eye drops, it should probably say, “under no circumstances should you put a contact in your eye after finding it on the floor of the Zappos outlet.”
And he says I’m awkward!
