Tag: Judging

Grandma Got The Covid From Her Grandkids

True confessions: I hate that “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” song. It’s obnoxious. However, if people continue to be selfish, we’ll get a whole new parody, Covid-style.

What I am really having a hard time with, is the fact that a majority of these people have never missed a single family holiday get-together. So, as a person who hasn’t had Thanksgiving with family (beyond my husband and kids) since 2014, I am here to tell you, you will survive.

In 15 years, Justin and I have made it home for one Thanksgiving, back in 2006, before our wedding. In 15 years, we have made it home for 7 Christmases (ok, I managed to make it home for 10, but Justin doesn’t always have the luxury of just flying home). Ask any military family, and they can attest: you will survive.

And maybe you’re in the mindset, “it won’t get me.” Well, that is great for you, and I’m proud of your ability to stay positive…or, negative?? Either way, how much of a jerk will you feel like, if your need to spend the holidays with your relatives, ends up with a senior member of your family sick, or worse, dead? Will it have been worth it??

So, this holiday season, since so many people out there love to throw around the phrase “support our troops,” let’s play a game. Let’s all pretend we’re too far away to make it home for Thanksgiving, or Christmas. Let’s act like the soldiers stationed overseas, who don’t have the luxury of selfishly asking, “should I risk killing grandma??” We can all play soldier and spend one holiday season away from our immunocompromised relatives. If hundreds of thousands of military families stationed around the globe can do it year after year, I’m pretty sure you can suffer through this one.

Little Green Tree Froggie

The problem with Stay-at-Home orders across the country isn’t that I can’t get my hair done, or can’t do any of the other things I never did anyway. The problem with the Stay-at-Home order, is that everyone else is home to see me be…well, me.

Yesterday I was mowing my front yard. It seems like a relatively straight-forward task. Until–HOP!!! A giant tree frog hopped away from my mower. Instantly I stopped, and spent the next 2 minutes chasing it across my yard. While talking to it. “Stop. Jumping! Let me catch you so I can save you!”

Is this the first time I’ve stopped mowing to save an amphibian? Of course it isn’t! Last week I temporarily relocated 2 toads and a salamander. It happens pretty much every time I mow. I am not about to commit Amphibicide.

The only difference now, as compared to 6 weeks ago–my neighbors are all home to see me running around my yard, harassing Kermit’s family members. And also, rather than finding new amphibifriends (kissing them to make sure they aren’t under a witch’s spell), and setting them free, now I’m running to my house screaming, “Shea! Xander! Look what I found!!!” Like the adult that I am.

Ok, I don’t kiss frogs–or any other amphibians. But I do get overly excited when I realize last season’s tenants have moved back in to the usual tree frog locations. underneath a small overhang above the back door. In a nook in the shed. And now my random amphibian trio living underneath a splash block.

Georgia is getting ready to ease up on their stay at home order; Alabama isn’t making any changes yet. Honestly, I want everyone to stay safe and avoid this horrible virus. Maybe I can just get sign for my front yard: Caution–This Homeowner Rescues Frogs.

What would the Lorax version for Amphibians be? That would be me.

I’m just going to keep saving my frogs, and relocating them to the back yard…where I can talk to them without the random neighbor seeing me!

Land of a Thousand 3rd Grade Words

Playing teacher these past 5 weeks (minus one, since Spring Break did happen somewhere in there) has taught me a lot.

  1. I remember the basics from government–thank goodness.
  2. I know the names of most shapes–again, phew.
  3. I struggle with keeping children focused–this is a given, seeing as though I can’t even keep myself focused (I even put fun stained glass window clings on our front windows so I would stop staring at and judging our neighbors for NOT social distancing. Now I just stare and think, “ooh, rainbows”).
  4. I am awful at defining words.

I know words. And now I sound an idiot. “Hey, look at me, I know something!” While I know the definition of words, I have a hard time putting that into words. For example:
“Mom, what does generalize mean?”
“It means. To make a general statement. Big picture. You know.”

Blank stare of confusion. You obviously don’t know.

I have been put on the spot to play human dictionary multiple times this week.
“What does multiple mean?”

This was often an issue I struggled with in school. Don’t ask me to write down the definition of words, because you’re going to get a bunch of nonsense. I just know what it means, and let that be good enough. For me…but when you’re supposed to be assisting a 9 year old with his science, and you can’t spit out a definition that is helpful, well, go ahead and hang up your teaching hat–you’re failing.

Also, it is really frustrating to try and teach tiny human version of me. I would like to apologize to every teacher in the history of my education who had to deal with my slow, meticulous, daydreamy way of learning. There are 5 weeks left of school; I’ll be lucky if Xander finishes in 10…months.

Sorry for the distractibility gene. ADD is a bitch.

S-A-F-E-T-Y Safety Mask

You can mask if you want to…although these days, it’s mostly mandatory. This is my gift to you: The Rules of Proper Masking.

As I left the commissary this morning, after my emergency juice and ice cream run (First World Problems ain’t got nothin’ on me), I once again saw many people driving around, wearing masks. Folks, if you are the only person in your car, you do not need to wear a mask. Also, since we’re all social distancing, the only people in your vehicle should be the individuals you live with, therefore there is no reason to ever wear a mask while driving.

To make it easier for you to grasp, here are some silly comparisons:

via GIPHY

I like to go kayaking, so before I leave the house, I put my lifejacket on…and then put the kayak on the car and head to the lake.

I always wear my bike helmet while driving to the bike path.

I’ve never gone spelunking, but I’ve heard the best way to get ready is to put your harness on before you leave the house. Also, wear your repelling rope like a sash. It might make sitting in your car uncomfortable, but you can never be too prepared.

via GIPHY

Swim goggles should be put on your eyeballs before you even put your bathing suit on.

Ok, in all fairness to goggle wearers, Xander has been known to wear his goggles in the shower and the bath. And while running through the sprinkler. But hopefully before you hop into the driver’s seat of your empty car, you will pause and think, “wait…do I need to drive to the store with the mask on??” Nope–just…put it on when you get there.

For the record, I hate this so much.

Unless your face is cold? Then I guess do it up. You do you. Just….PLEASE, promise you won’t put nitrile gloves on at 8am when you leave the house, and go about your life as those they are creating a magic forcefield of safety around you. That is really not how gloves work, and when you go around touching everything with your glove hands, you make me cringe. Does your doctor wear the same pair of gloves all day? Does the food service employee make food, scrub the floor, and take your money without changing their gloves–ok…the answer to that one should be no. The answer to both of them should be no!!! If you don’t want the medic to stitch up my forehead and then take your temperature without changing their gloves, what makes you think tossing a pair of gloves on for the day will keep you protected from anything!?

Get Up, Covid Get Down With Self-Quarantine

Congratulations, everyone. We made it through the first 6 months of self-quarantine….wait…crap. Let’s try that again.

Congratulations everyone! We’ve made it through the first week of self-quarantine. Here’s what I’ve noticed so far.

Nothing. Has. Changed. At least for me, but as I’ve said before, I am a Master Social-Distancer. Ask an introvert how they’re doing in self-quarantine, and chances are they’ll tell you how amazing it is that no one has dropped by unannounced, or no one has begged them to go out in the world and be social. For the extroverts who are feeling like it’s been 6 months, or maybe even closer to 6 years, just think, what you’re going through right now, is exactly how introverts have felt–forced to do things they really don’t want to do. Sorry, extroverts–you’re in our world now.

Truly though, I think there’s something wrong with my children. Not wrong, but…something is going on. The side-effects of a world without outside influences, maybe? All I know is that Monday morning when I woke up, I prayed that we made it through the week without one murdering the other. By Friday, I noticed…something. Is this…friendship?? Are they getting along?!

My darling angels, who normally spend every waking moment pushing the buttons of the other, were suddenly choosing to spend time together. They spent close to an hour yesterday reading their Pokemon Guidebooks, and no one got punched or scratched! All eyes remained firmly inside their sockets.

They have also spent hours on the trampoline, with the sprinkler (before you shiver to death, my dear Northerners, it is currently 85 and sunny here in the Dirty South).

I’ve been trying to fill their days with learning–you see, unlike the spoiled suburbanites (and possibly urbanites as well), the rural kids don’t have online learning. There is no Google Classroom for rural Alabama children. Our county gave us a list of places we could pick up a packet per student. Our county has a 22% poverty rate. To put that into perspective, Saratoga County NY (chosen because that’s where I grew up) has a 6% poverty rate; no county in NYS has a rate over 18%.

I have noticed a lot of complaining on social media, about how unfair it is that teachers are expecting their students (and parents) to do so much work, while parents are also trying to work from home. I can understand the frustration…but think about the alternative–your child could have been handed a 60 page packet, while in your head you can hear Edward R. Murrow saying, “goodnight, and good luck.”

I am not “education shaming” anyone (is that a thing? I don’t know–I’m probably just making it up). I just want you, the parent frustrated with the daily assignments to know that it could be worse. You could be waking up every morning and thinking, what am I going to attempt to teach my children once they’ve made it through their work packets? What happens if this quarantine lasts longer than these initial 3 weeks? What if I am now responsible for my children’s education, with no guidance for the rest of the school year? For eighteen months!?

You see? You are angry at teacher, who had to figure out how to work from home in under 24 hours. They did not ask for this. This isn’t necessarily something they’ve been doing all along, so chances are they had to learn and work to make this happen. While you are working from home and trying to help children with homework, teachers are are now at home, trying to teach your kids, plus however many other children are in their classroom, plus now also teaching their children. I have seen so many cool posts from educators this past week, who are trying to make the best of a crappy situation. They aren’t perfect, but no one is. We’re all doing out best, and it helps no one to jump on social media and attack teachers for not being able to teach in a classroom. Would you attack nurses for the lack of hospital beds? Would you attack the cashier at the grocery store for the total lack of toilet paper and ground beef?

Who knows. You might. But take a deep breath, and ask yourself–do they have any control over the situation?? Do any of us?

My kids just came inside to inform me that Shea was throwing shoes at Xander…but Xander also wasn’t helping to pick up the water balloon pieces from the trampoline. *Sigh* At least this week is Spring Break–I can pretend my children’s education, and therefore future, isn’t landing 100% on my shoulders.

And for the rest of you, who aren’t on Spring Break, cut these teachers some slack. For the parents who are frustrated with the amount of work they now feel teachers are requiring of them, I promise, there are no teacher kicking back and drinking a beer, while you alone juggle your added daily tasks. For the parents who might not live in a community with fancy schools and chrome books sent home with your children, or google classroom to keep your children’s brains full and growing–well, Goodnight, and Good Luck.